The life of a teacher is quite stressful. (I can already hear your whines about all those holidays etc!). For the past couple of weeks I have been really feeling the pressure and I have felt like the only faces any one has seen at school is either "the grump" or the "weepy mess". I want to talk about the first of those faces.
Regardless of where the stresses come from in our work life, to be a successful professional we need to develop a skill of putting on the face of enthusiastic about learning in order to deliver a lesson that is productive for everyone. I feel that I have mastered this skill in the past - yet when the pressure comes on, the subconscious button of 'everything is OK, manageable, and a learning opportunity' seems to go out the window and instead the switch to "the grump" is flicked at any moment.
The reason why I am blogging about it? Well I don't like losing control of this switch. Yesterday I was reflective at how irritated I was with Year 9 boys who could not exercise the self control of when it was appropriate to talk and when it wasn't. I reacted. I didn't scream the house down, but I did say something along the lines of
"the reason I am not answering you is that I am not currently interested in your pen"
- this was the answering
"Miss, do you like my pen, my pen, it's 40% recycled, my pen, Miss, my pen, Miss... Miss.....Missssss!"
My lack of interest invited an unmistakable disappointed response. Shoulders slumped and dejected, the young boy walked away. Now, I know that perhaps my response was a good one, and I did exercise some control over the rising torrent of "Stop shouting at me about your pen!" - but I missed the control over that torrent. The rationalization of the whole event where I didn't let it effect me.
Yes, so, the grump is coming out too often in classes lately, and in my life as someone's boss, and I don't particularly like it. So I am pausing to reflect why. This reflection spans further than the context of this post. I do have a huge motivation to be liked as a teacher. Anyone who say's the opposite is lying. So everytime the grump comes out - I feel like I am inviting the opposite response. It's worse when the grump comes out when I am interacting with students I don't know, on duty etc, when the basis of the brief relationship is something of potential conflict.
Mmmm - perhaps I am dwelling a little too much here. Perhaps the increased pressure's of teacher life have also made me feel extra vulnerable. What I do know though, is that there will be documented proof somewhere that kids remember negative experiences more that the positive ones and this is something I would like to keep in balance.
