Marking - that ol' chestnut....

Today in one of my classes I gave 28 people back 2 pieces of assessment. The second of the two had a choice so I had marked 3 different assessments. I was physically shaking as I gave them back. I felt quite sick. Many people did really well. One girl rang her Mum from class to tell her that she had gotten a good grade.
Then there were others that were very quiet, I even spotted some tears.

The emotional aspect of marking - the drive for success and perfection - is what I struggle with, with marking. I can rationalize, and self soothe myself, but I still feel this ultimate responsibility for these kids success and ultimate happiness. I have let this turn into a burden, rather than something positive. The experience (this morning p1) totally wore me out and I have failed to be very productive since.

A positive in this situation is that, in some respects, I AM responsible for their success. Its important that this drives me. I absolutely want to be the one that empowers these kids to succeed. I love the feeling of exposing kids to new aspects of the subject that they have not considered before. I guess what I am musing on this afternoon is wondering if the flip side of that is that I need to feel the responsibility if they don't.

A scenario: Student does not achieve standard. I look back and see that student missed both formative deadlines that I set. Student tries to pull something together and then is frustrated and upset when it does not achieve. Student then reveals that he did not know what to do so was deferring the task.

Now I would like to think that my teachers perception would be able to read that situation and pick up on the signs - but sometimes there are 28 others who do meet deadlines and do the work and also ask for my attention. Another part of my teaching is holding students accountable and ensuring they are growing into a responsible citizen.

As I said earlier - I can rationalise myself out of this and accept that I do my best at all times. However, I just wanted to paint a picture of the turmoil of thoughts that often are going around when I am assessing student work, and hence feeling a little tired today.

One thing I would like to start incorporating into my planning is more peer and self reflection. Being a marker helps me to understand the aspects I need to teach. Self marking would support the student in understanding where their work is at and knowing how to get their aspired outcome. I feel like this will come with more practice.

If any other teachers are out there....have you got systems in place where students are really aware of assessment criteria - so that they know where they're at when they submit their assessment?

Getting Observed - the open door policy.

Today I had an observation for the English class. I am not sure where I am up to in relation to draft posts that I have not published and ones that I have - for this blog -  but I will briefly explain that I have felt incredibly worried and incapable at teaching this class this year. There are many things that bought on these feelings and I am not going to go into them - because that's not important. What is, is how I dealt with the impending observation and what I consider the outcome to be.

I have not had any feedback yet, so that is something I am still mindful of. (Not worrying about, just aware). However, I did worry about the observation, and in the past this would have really wound me up. When I was at teachers college, one of my supervisors said to me that you must always have the policy of open door teaching. It's only when the doors are closed that people will think the need to look in and see what is going on.

An observation makes me observe myself. What is it that underlines the focus in my classroom for that lesson, that week, that unit or that term.  I think back to the key competencies, the values and the principals of the curriculum. I know getting observed should not be the catalyst for this, but sometimes it is. I can affirm however, that I do reflect about this in other times as well - not ONLY when I am getting observed.

I started with the video that I have linked into this post. Man I love Kid President. He has a untouched enthusiasm about learning and being that I find inspiring and enjoyable - the students and I watched this with to get motivated about exam prep and inspired to be successful.

Like I said before, I was anxious about this observation. I always create anxiety when my abilities are going to be on show (as, I would like to argue, most people would?) But in planning the lesson, and watching the video above, I realised that my ethic to teaching is to facilitate people to be more awesome. That is what drives me each day. I think it reflects my ethic and passion to be a teacher and in acknowledging this, I could chill out about the idea of being observed in this.

Sure, at this end of the year, if I could do some things differently, or more efficiently, or with more preparation, I would have. But I am assured that my attitude and reason for doing this job are right and I can always do things differently, efficiently and with more preparation.

So at the end of my rambles, I guess I have a question. Are their other teachers that feel a sense of dread around observations as much as I do, even though the do have confidence teaching and classroom? Also - are their other professions who would have moments where they are observed in their practice for around an hour at a time?

Just my musings for today.
It's hump day! Happy Wednesday everyone.

Miss N

Maintaining focus - can this be taught?

Getting stuff done for me this week is about focusing on one thing at a time. For example, right now, having just got to work, my mind is whirring. I'm thinking about opening new tabs, checking messages, checking my student management system, marking (my next task, and the one which is making me feel like this current blog post is not a priority).

Why is it that we cannot settle on one thing, and just do one task? Well the answer will be somewhere in the literature of how we are becoming digital citizens, always being stimulated by many different sources, I am sure there is research out there somewhere. However, if I am distracted by the one task that I am on, I then get stimulated by a whole range of things that enable me to stay off task for longer. For example, as I was writing this blog post I decided that my radio was too distracting, so as I went to that tab to close it down, I skimmed past my emails on the way back to see if I had a reply from the last one I sent. Dare I say that if I had Facebook open I most likely would have gone past there aswell, and then who knows what would have happened. 

I am practicing being mindful at the moment. I am three weeks into a 4 week course and the basic premise, again without trying to paraphrase stacks of research, is training your mind to be aware and present. A key aspect of this mindfulness  is something called 'attentional stability' - there is lots written on this, feel free to peruse google yourself -  but basically it is focus. It is one's ability to focus on a task without being distracted, and then distracted again, and then taken to a recipe, and then back to the emails, buzzfeed, stuff, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. If any one is reading this, I encourage you to consider how easily you can be pulled away from the task at hand, and then stay away with other things. 

So of course I am starting to think about how I can use this new emotional awareness in my teaching. Awareness is the key word here, I think. If I was to go back to my last post, I do not think it is wise to take responsibility for trying to maintain my student's 'attentional stability' (or, any facet of their 'stability' to be fair!) - but, I can facilitate them to be aware of it. And so I begin my day being reflective of how I may be able to do that pedagogically. 

Being reflective

It is time to start getting my act together and get all my docs ready for the process of getting registered. You may see some posts come up here that are slightly backdated. This is because I have a BILLION drafts of ideas and musings that are started and will be completed. They were an idea once and will be an idea again.

What I want to reflect upon today is the BIGGNESS of teaching. 4-5 classes of multiple assessments each, admin and reporting tasks, extra curricular committments, professional development and reflection, courses, meetings, committments, appointments, 1-1 tutoring, scholarship applications....the list goes on. My job, as it currently stands, is BIG. I have not managed successfully over the past couple of months to feel on top of it. Organised, and productive and therefore I have felt rather overwhelmed by it.

I can make these reflections basting in the glory of my holidays. I am 10 days in and feeling rather sad about them coming to an end and I need to really assess what it is that I let myself get so afraid about when returning to work after the break.

The reality is - it is the bigness. The numerous facets of the job that I am committed to doing my utmost best at that I cannot always succeed at. The 'piles' that need attention got me into such a spin yesterday that I was overwhelmed with the panic. I was then very sad that the panic made me eel so unhappy and I therefore concluded that I 'cannot do the job' or 'do not like the job' - and in fact, niether of these points are true. I can do it and I do LOVE it. It is just the lack of ability to see each task through to the 100% that I envision I should be able to means that I feel 100% unsuccessful at everything.

A strategy that I am employing at the moment is trying to be more present rather than focusing on the 'piles' and what is not done. And accept that this will be a constant. I will never get to feeling on top of everything to the standard that I want - but I can feel on top of the current task - and the more I fous on that the balance of feeling 'on top' versus overwhelmed and miserable should begin to right itself.

Loving the sunshine - and feeling warmed by a lovely flat white at my favourite local flat white producer. Feeling ready to move on to the next task.