Anxious about my piles.....

My title for this post is intentionally crude. Don't worry - my rear exit is in perfectly good order. Just felt a sharp beginning was necessary for today.

I'll add a photo of my piles (snigger (ok - stop it now)). It's curly as I took it on panorama. But I have just returned to my office after been away for a week and all I see is stuff that I have neglected, forgotten, ignored etc. It fills me with such a sense of incompetence that I find it very difficult to move forward and work my way through it.

Two computer screens, and then all of the paper to the front of the tall screen and the right of the smaller laptop. It just makes me feel uneasy, queasy and generally want to run away.

Yet, I often come to this situation and am inspired. To organise and to get sorted and it is not often a bad place to start. 

My focus for today is organising things into bite sized pieces so I can be as productive as possible in the next day and a half (before I head away on Wednesday) 

The main aim is to not think I am going to rewrite the world - everything achieved will just be in the aim of making the beginning of next term easier. 

I have been keenly following many blogs and vloggers of late and they're all successful and so incontrol of their surroundings. I look at this and feel cruddy by comparison. Surely others have moments of chaotic environments and come to a little bit of a standstill?

You may be asking - what is this point of writing all this down? Well, because it helps add a little more calm to the situation. Happy Monday everyone.  

Story-time with Miss N....

Once upon a time there was a teacher who often said to her students "oooo, I've got a story for you". All of her students immediately looked at her, smiled, and engaged.

I am currently in my second teaching job.

In both my schools some of the feedback from my kids is that "We love your stories Miss!"

I am a bit of an extrovert. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I tell kids when I am stressed out about them and their assessment, and I tell them the details about my life that are mundane and not overly necessary in a classroom environment. Examples of this are:

that time I argued with the photocopier

that time I rung the radio....

that time I got my car stuck on the front lawn at 5 in the morning

that time the nachos caught on fire and the over door smashed

I am not revealing intimate parts of my personal life. I am just verbally, Facebook statusing to my students before I start the class.

It brings up a question. Am I risking them not taking my subject seriously and seeing it as a 'hangout' time. Or, am I actually, in the words of a Year 13, reaping the benefits of "it humanizes you, Miss".

Before I go on, I am well aware of the old adage "you're not their friend, you're their teacher" "don't worried about not being liked...." etc etc. And I am TOTALLY on that wagon. I very rarely give out my cellphone number and usually only to ensure they stay alive in my care (for more context read this post). I do NOT add past or present students as Facebook friends. I am not into being their friend and I don't particularly worry about being 'liked' - but I do see value in sharing information about myself, or using personal stories as context in teaching. In my teaching experience is generates a 'we're all in this together' environment.

I often ask students about their breakfast, and share info with them about mine. This may seem irrelevant about the learning context, but it touches base with the students and takes an interest in them. It also, I hope, encourages them to eat breakfast which is important, right? In an observed lesson once, it was noted that this eccentric habit of mine (which I call 'Breakfast Shoutouts!) was bringing hauora into the classroom - that's got to be a good thing.

It is not my intention in this post to be promoting some sort of ground-breaking pedagogy. I am just intrigued about the concept of being known by the students and what can be beneficial to their success.

It is nearly the end of the first term. It's a busy time, everyone is tired and feeling the pressure/pinch. And if you read yesterday - you'll note that I am elbow deep in assessment hoping to get everyone to some level of success before the end of the week. Maybe a 'we're all in this together' approach is not a bad place to start.

What's working at the moment?

What is working in the life of teachers out there today?

Well here....I am actually just leaving the kids to it. There are learning outcomes on the board - as are the goals to achieve by the end of the lesson, prompts for when they can get extra practice time for their assessment, and reminders about the focus for the assessment. So what do they need me for right?

Well if I am honest - the mere fact that I am writing those rhetorical questions out is giving me palpitations. Surely there is something more that I should have done.

I am reflecting on it now. It is the end of the term and I really want all of my classes to assess on Thursday (before Good Friday). Term two will start much more positively if we tidy these assessments up and start the new ones afresh. I need to reassure myself that I have done the teaching, and now the students need to get on with applying these new skills in assessment. Sure - there is always more I could have done. I am particularly guilty of not getting enough handy resources ready....but they have enough and I need to chill about this.

So - the end of this story. My two junior classes just got on with it. The 'assessment on Thursday....what....?' mood eased and they made such good use of the time they had. The best thing I could have done for them, is what I did, I left them to it.

This afternoon I have both my senior classes. I guess the same theory should apply....I need to step down and leave them to it. I have some anxiety around the feeling that if I don't give them advice and input - will they get there? Is this what a helicopter parent feels like?

Even as I write this I feel no sense of ease. So - I put it out there. Do all teachers feel like this? Is it just me and my own insecurities about my organisation abilities. Is there a happy middle ground?
Should I implant all students with some sort of calendar chip? Even in jest - I think I could possibly be more communicative with assessment dates and reminders - currently thinking about options. We are not an overly techno school yet. It might be as simple as putting dates on the wall.

A fun pic to get you through today....the 'what, we have assessment face' of students. Even though they know they have assessment. (Well, I googled that...and McCauley came up. It amused me)

The added extras

I've been musing late over the technicalities around going the extra mile. I have a pretty persuasive conscience around such matters and am therefore driven to put in as much effort as possible all the time to ensure the best outcome can be achieved.

I think most of this drive is part of who I am. I am always in rather desperate need for affirmation and am therefore always more motivated if I know it is going to be noticed or recognized. I don't think I am alone in this, and therefore I am not that worried about admitting to it. It doesn't mean I value the benefit for others any less that the benefit for myself - I just need to put it out there, that the 'potential brownie-point scale' is part of what makes me tick.

I am therefore intrigued by my recent feelings about an extra-curricular experience. Extra-curricular experiences for students is such an essential part of making up who young people are. If I think about my most memorable moments at school - most of them were based around music trips away to be a part of something that showcased me and my peers but also made me feel a part of something really significant. Having reflected upon this, I therefore find it interesting that I am developing negative feelings about organising such trips to take my current students away/out of the classroom for a positive experience.

Why do I dislike this? Well, that is what I have been reflecting upon.

1. Logistically, it is a lot of organising which means it is hard to allow time for it within the rest of the classroom based responsibilities. 
2. I find I become very anxious when 'responsible' for these kids out of the school grounds. If they went walkabouts, got hurt, got sick - all eyes return to me. While I understand that this is OK and not actually that different to the classroom. The feeling it gives me is so energy draining that I find myself more and more resisting the need to organise such events.

Why am I reflecting on this so much? Well because I recently invested into a national competition where students perform scenes that they've prepared. The end goal is to be the best scene in their region in order to perform at the national festival. The national festival is at the other end of the country and over a long weekend later in the year. 

Getting the students to this national festival is such a massive effort and one which I found rather stressful last year. Therefore this year, I was incredibly worried that I was simply not trying hard enough to get the work to the standard required to be competitive at the regional heats. In my heart, I don't know if I could have honestly said that I wanted the pieces that I was either supporting, or directing myself, to get selected to go to the National festival. 

The regional festival is now over and there are two things that I want to say. 

• Firstly - I was proud of the students' performances in the pieces that I directed and I honestly did feel that I had put the very best effort in. Or in other words, I don't think I subconsciously worked in a way that would disadvantage the quality of the work we put forward. 
• Secondly - knowing now that we have not been selected to go to the national festival, the students' disappointment is so clearly evident that I still feel somewhat responsible - as if I willed this to happen. (Despite point above) 

I think I really needed this reprieve though. It has allowed me to see from the outside how important the national festival it is to them and know that getting selected to go is something truly worthwhile to work towards. At the end of this long rant....I can see that these out-of-the-classroom experiences are truly valuable and necessary.

And I haven't lost or hurt a student yet

....and I have removed a plastic bag full of vomit from a poorly student in my care at 4 in the morning

....and we're all the stronger for it.