Write for writing's, and your own, sake.

Well, what do I want to write about this morning? Really not sure. It is sunday morning, 10am (ish) and I kinda just felt like reflecting on the usefullness of writing something like this. And especially, reading other peoples writing and reflecting in similar forums. I originally started this blog for many reasons. One - as a 'reflective' teaching professional, I need to be able to show proof that I am reflecting on things that are happening in my classroom and how I have learnt from such instances and how they change, enhance, or reassure my practice as  a teacher. But I started it for other reasons too....
I struggle, and I mean really struggle with cruel and powerful black clouds somedays (dont really like any other titles that a doctor might fill in here - so interpret as you will). My career choice and my apparent success with it plays a huge part in this. It took me a long time decide to become a teacher, and when it is not going as how I expect it to. Or if I do not get the reaction from students, colleagues, friends, loved ones that I expect I should be getting, the clouds can get overpowering and really quite frighteneing.

So I reflect (ie:  Rant, write, blog, moan, blah blah blah....) It really, really helps. The effect I get from processing it myself, in a way that others could read if they wanted to, makes me feel grounded, calm, rational and well OK - which is what I need. Why does it need to be readable by others. Two reasons. 1: I am wired to want and need affirmation. The potential for others to be reading it helps this. The second reason is more important. The public potential of this forum means that I dont start a 'Dear diary - this is the reason why everyone in the world is against me....woe woe WOE is me" type entry - because I know that very much does NOT help. It makes me feel way more emo, less empowered and actually so rubbish that I wouldn't keep it up anyway.

I was inspired to start writing this blog, this way, after reading from top to bottom (cover to cover - in a virtual sense) this blog: http://livingwithoutalcohol.blogspot.co.nz/ - Why was inspired? Well I don't think I have a problem with alcohol. But I could totally relate to the concept of the deamons that this lady was trying to overcome. I feel like my black clouds, and my self doubt a similar. The perfectionist gene is cruel, powerful and sometimes debilitating. And writing it out in a forum that I kinda like, makes me feel heard, and allows me to pen out my quirkiness that I know makes others smile gives me a sense of comfort, release and personal affirmation. And I think that is just a little bit cool.

How will this make me a better teacher? Oh, I don't know. I'll think about that on Monday. :-)